My beautiful mother passed away at 2:10am on August 3rd, 2008 at the vibrant age of 56. A part of me left with her. At 32 years of age, with 3 young boys in tow, my whole world crumbled…
As I literally stood at the bottom of a mountain of grief, I had the biggest challenge ahead of me. The challenge of acceptance. Never before had I felt such sadness. Utter heartache. It actually hurt, each and every day. The mundane tasks of motherhood became all too hard. Alcohol became my friend. Being numb to the emotion felt much better than the reality of my actual situation. This existence became my normal for some time until I realised that I could no longer continue down the destructive path and had no other choice than to process my loss and begin to move forward. For my boys. For my husband and for me.
I learned a lot about myself as I pieced my soul back together. Over time I gained a new sense of what ‘living’ truly meant. I grew stronger, more self-assured. I could feel the honourable parts of my mother burying deep in my genetic matter. I took on the lessons that my mother taught me during her illness and I decided that although I would give anything for my mum to be alive, as I had no choice in her death, I would react to this new situation with inspiring gusto!
More than anything though, I didn’t want any other woman to have to go through this horrible life experience without feeling supported and having an opportunity to relate. And so I set about creating a book. A handbook to guide you through the loss of your mother if that were to sadly happen called ‘Without My Mum’… A book that I hoped would sit on the bedside table and be there as though it were a supportive friend. Offering advice, relatable content, understanding, raw emotion, wisdom, honesty and love. But most of all, a book full of hope. Proving that yes, we are devastated when we lose someone we love but we can rise up out of our grief and become a better version of who we were before our loss. I created this book whilst mothering my now 4 boys and working part-time as a Nurse. It involved many late nights and very early mornings. Whatever it took. The light at the end of the tunnel for me was knowing that by going to the effort of creating ‘Without My Mum’, one motherless woman might feel less sad. That was my driving force. That outcome for me was my ultimate purpose.
We are never cured of the pain of losing our Mother. Especially as we mark annual days such as Mother’s Day to honour these special people who are no longer in our lives but with support we can get through the tough times. It is by relating with others and being inspired by stories of hope that we can muster the courage to create lives we love and a life I know our mothers would be very proud of. Together, we can accomplish anything and with encouragement we can move forward, happily with open hearts and excitement for the future.
There is a true Sisterhood among women who no longer walk this life with their mothers. If there is any good to come from my own experience, it is the amazing women I have met and the stories of great courage I have heard. I gain strength from others continuously and my ultimate hope for anyone who reads ‘Without My Mum’ is that they might feel the love from others and use that to begin to heal themselves. It is important to remember, you are not alone. Please know that.
I truly hope ‘Without My Mum’ guides you towards a happier and more heartwarming life.